Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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