Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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