I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
