I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
