I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
