We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
