My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
