Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize