Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
