I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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