My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
