We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
