Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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