Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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