I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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