Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
