If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
