WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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