"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
