He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize