he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you had me at cake vodka
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
