i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
