I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
