im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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