I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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