btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
