Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
