After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
