mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sarcasm needs its own font
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
