We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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