Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
