I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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