What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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