My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
