i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
