The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
