I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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