News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
