Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize