Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
