my phone needs a breathalizer
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
