Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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