Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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