Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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