I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
