I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
