Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
