i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
