i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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