Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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