Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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