ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
