yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
