I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
