I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
