My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the raccoons are back...
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