hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize