So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
