My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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