Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
