I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
