dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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