I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
