Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
