So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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