i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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