i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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