wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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