she looked like the before picture.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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